March 12, 1919

As is now only too evident, it was unwise of me to communicate to my colleagues of Colonel House’s “family” the flattering tributes that were showered upon me by the grateful delegates from the Euxine Pontus. They had hailed me as “Stephen, garland-crowned son of Hermes,” and, of course, it was after all no mean feat to secure food from Mr. Hoover, or at least the promise of it, in twenty-four hours. I was also, I think, deserving of praise in squelching the plan of the delegates, which they developed as I regaled them with drinks at Weber’s, to re-establish the long defunct empire of Mithradates. With liquor on the table and food in sight, they were hard to hold back. No, I told them, the atmosphere of the conference was unfavorable to the founding of empires, and at last they agreed. But fear they will take up the matter at a more auspicious moment.

My envious colleagues have been looking up Hermes from whom, according to the Pontus Greeks, I stem, and while the classical dictionaries admit that he was a personage of great charm, and the tutelar saint of early diplomatists, the protector of travelers, of heralds and interpreters, they also reveal that in some respects he was a rather unscrupulous fellow. For instance, they relate that, while yet an infant, Hermes stole fifty head of cattle from his brother Apollo, hid them away in a cave, and then calmly returned to finish his nap in his cradle!

Hearing the uproar in his “family,” the Colonel barged into the controversy. He, too, looked into the classical dictionary and eloquently took my part. “Great Zeus approved of this juvenile exploit,” was his decision, “and while admittedly there was in some unfriendly quarters unfavorable gossip, still Hermes was the patron saint of those who were ‘strong of voice and retentive of memory.’ In our family, that means Bonsai.” So my persecutors were silenced and slunk away. But I have learned my lesson. Should in the future compliments be bestowed, in my experience a rare occurrence, I may gloat over them—but only in private.

Not the most important, but certainly the most acute, of the Greek problems is how to settle the boundaries with Albania. Both are roving people, like most of the Balkan tribes. There are certainly many thousand Albanians in northwestern Greece, and there are many sons of the Eagle in Italy, and indeed nearer home in New England. And, worse luck, there are many thousand Greeks within the boundaries of Albania as established at the Conference of London. Another complication which adds fuel to the discussion: there are many important men in both Italy and Greece who boast of their Albanian ancestry. Undoubtedly the problem could be solved by an exchange of population and some slight frontier changes, but no one will accept either the one or the other. The Greeks will not yield a village or an inch of territory, and my friend, Essad Pasha, says the plan infringes on the Law of the Mountains and contravenes the Code of Lex, which he says has been honored by his people since the days of Moses, the Lawgiver.

If possible, even more acute is the clash of the Albanians with the Yugoslavs in the Kossovo district, where on the Field of the Blackbirds the Cross fell before the Green Banners and the Serbs became the serfs of the Ottoman Turks. Certainly the Albanians, with great arrogance, are encroaching on this territory, as I described their activities after my visit in 1892, and it is only in the last few years that the long down-trodden Serbs have had the courage to complain and at last to oppose the unwelcome intruders. This region was undeniably a part of the great Serbian Empire in the thirteenth century. Should it be restored to Belgrade now? Should California and New Mexico be restored to Spain or to Mexico? I don’t know. I fancy a statute of limitations will have to be established. Of one thing I am certain: in both cases the restoration would require the employment of large military forces. All would be well if friendly relations could be established between the disputants, but unfortunately all the experts say this is impossible; on this point at least they are in full agreement.