April 25, 1919

Tonka looked on for a while, and at last interfered:

“Let him alone, Fea. He’s really hungry. Pop gives him next to nothing to eat. Never mind, I’ve enough bread; come, let’s have tea.”

My heart seemed to weep. And tears welled up in my eyes. I could hardly restrain myself. Poor, poor Alexander! Papa starves him. Ah, how cruel he has become! Alexander has grown thinner, and his eyes are sunken. How will I be able to live with papa?

And during tea Tonka tells me how things are.

She screws up an angry face, but there is laughter in her eyes.

“I really don’t know how you are going to live with him. He’s grown so stingy! I don’t keep account of every piece of bread, nor does my Mitiunchik, but he locks his room against us. What are we — thieves? And yesterday, you know, we had no bread. But he had some. I invite him to dinner with us, and ask him: ‘Have you any bread, papa? We haven’t any today?’ And he throws me a quick glance, like a wild beast, and says: ‘I have a little.’ And he brought out a big chunk from his room. He cut off a tiny slice for each of us, and took the rest back. You can’t imagine how hurt I felt. Is that the way Mitiunchik and I treat him?”

I listened, and my heart ached in pain, humiliation, and fear. What a horror, what a horror! He will starve me, too. I wish mama would hurry and come from the country. Tonka, too, hates me. She probably enjoys telling me all this. Well, never mind, I shall try to look cheerful.

And I, too, begin to talk. What a pleasant journey I had! Frenev accompanied me all the way to Vologda. Frenev is my betrothed. We even kissed at Vologda. But why doesn’t Alexander eat his slice of bread? And he looks timid, as if he does not dare. I glance at him questioningly.

And Tonka guessed at once. She raised her little eyebrows and said:

“Eat, Fea, and you, Shura, have some, too.”

That was it! That was it! Shura did not dare to take any without asking. Fie, how nastily he eats! And he tries to do it unnoticed; he wants to appear at ease.

He pretends to pay no attention to the bread and asks:

“And is mama coming soon?”

“Yes, why?”

He blinks timidly and chews, smacking his lips. “Soon. … Yes, yes, she’ll come soon.”

And meanwhile he takes another piece, and another, and another.