April 25, 1919

And now, when I saw his gaunt face, I at once felt so sorry for him. Yet I greeted him as usual, in an offhand way, and asked him, instead of a greeting:

“You haven’t got a job yet, have you?”

I knew that he would be embarrassed. How dejected he looks! They have probably worried him with this question every day. And now, I too. — How mean I am! Poor, poor Alexander! He took offense and walked out of the room.

Antonina is cutting about half a pound of bread into very thin slices.

“Sit down, drink some tea. Too bad that yesterday we were not in time to buy bread. Otherwise, we are not in want.”

Her eyes are lowered upon the bread and she does not look toward me even once.

“Wait, Tonechka, I do not need bread. I have some crumbs left in the kitchen, and also a piece of bread I’ll get it.”

“Well, never mind! Eat mine. We’re not in want.” “No, no, just a minute.”

I ran to the kitchen. Heavens, where is the bread? Somebody has eaten it! It was here just a minute ago. And now it’s gone.

“Tonechka, Tonechka, come here! Where’s the bread? It was here just a minute ago, and now somebody has eaten it.”

Antonina ran in, angry.

“Well, who could have done it. Shura, I guess.” “Alexander? Impossible! Is he really so hungry? Ah, here he comes!”

“Did you eat the bread?”

He is silent. But I can see that it is he who ate the bread. Such a big man. He’s twenty-five, and yet his lower lip is trembling. I pity him and I want to tear him to pieces at the same time.

“I didn’t know. I didn’t think it belonged to anybody.”

“What do you mean, anybody? Couldn’t you wait till we sat down to tea? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Aren’t you? We’re all hungry.”

“But how much was there — altogether?”

“Little or much, you should have waited.” Alexander is just helpless. He does not know what to say. I am sorry for him. But I am ashamed before Tonka, so I shout at him. I am ashamed, yet I keep on shouting.