April 25, 1919

He jumped off the moving train. For a long time, he stood and waved his cap. And all my being was singing within me:

“He loves me, loves me, and I’m almost a child, with my little pigtails!”

I woke up because somebody was pulling my hair. “Feiusenka, get up.”

Startled, I awake and see that it is Tamarochka. She keeps tugging at my hair.

I jumped up joyfully. I kissed Tamarochka wildly, and suddenly the thought of yesterday’s happenings comes back to me.

Feverishly I examined the bed-linen. And indeed: two, two. … Well, thank God, not so very many. Tonka had exaggerated, as usual. I’ll tell her to stop fibbing.

A slice of bread lies on the table. I suppose it is my morning portion. What a small one, though. I ate it, and it was as if I had had nothing. If it is going to be like this every day, it will not be a very sweet life.

I dressed and ran to Tonka’s room.

“What did you frighten me for? Only two… “Two? Very well. I’ll show you, after tea.”

I know why Tonka is treating me to tea today; until I find work, I shall have to be nurse-maid to Tamarka. Tonka herself works at the Post Office and she is on the day and the evening shift alternately. Mitya also works at the Post Office. He works mornings. He has left already.

After dinner Tonka leads me to papa’s room. Tamarochka runs after us.

“Look!”

Turning her eyes away, she passes two fingers over the woolen blanket and in a second, she picks up a big, gray louse.

“See? What did I tell you?”

Her face becomes distorted. With a lustful glitter in her eyes, she crushes the louse on the floor.

I hold my breath. Tonka turns to me and says triumphantly:

“That’s the kind of fat cows he breeds.”

“Tonya, stop, stop! I can’t stand it!”

We have not noticed that Tamarochka has approached the blanket. She came close to it and shouted:

“Oh, it luns, it luns!”